I just turned 30 — and boy, I have a lot of advice for your 20s now that I’m on the other side.
My birthday was on November 27, and if you didn’t guess before that I’m a Sagittarius, well, now it should all make sense. I mean, I named my blog so it would contain a fire theme. I’m very much an Archer cliché, and I love it. (I grew up knowing nothing at all about astrology, by the way, but when I first learned about my sign I mean it really was too creepily accurate to deny) Anyway, turning 30 made me realize that I really have grown a LOT since I was 20 years old. We’re all on our own journeys and will learn our own lessons in time, but I do wish I could go back and tell myself some life advice to save myself a great deal of heartache. Alas, I do not have a time machine, so I’ll give you guys my advice for your 20s instead.
The first thing I want you to know is: age doesn’t matter. I don’t really mind that I’m now in my 30s. I’m the fool who will bust out dancing while waiting in line in the DMV if I hear a good song playing faintly in the distance, and I have no plans to “act my age” any time soon. My friends better be willing to not care what people think if they’re going to hang out with me, because I refuse to let go of my joy. I’ve never been able to picture myself as an “adult,” though, and that holds true even now as I enter a new decade of life.
Age is entirely what you make of it. It really is just a number.
Part of why I care so much about health, wellness, and fitness is that I want to feel youthful for as many years of my life as possible. I want to be able to dance and rock out on a spin bike and give my 100% to all areas of my life for as long as possible! It’s not so much a Peter Pan syndrome as a refusal to let go of that childlike ability to PLAY and wanting my body to be strong enough to let me do as much as I want.
Maybe I took all the Disney movies of my childhood too much to heart, but I refuse to “grow up” and let the stressors of life wear me down so much that I forget how to have fun. Yeah, being an adult sucks. I’m stressed out all the time about shit like paying bills, saving for retirement, cleaning the kitchen. But you can’t let life and its many hardships, both minor and major, harden you. That’s what, in my opinion, actually ages you. Stress is a damaging SOB.
I admit I let life bring me down way too much in my 20s.
As weird as it sounds, I actually feel younger now that I did in my 20s. Miley Cyrus totally captured it. It’s like I finally went through enough hardship that I woke back up. I now realize I’m going to absolutely love my 30s, because I finally feel like myself. Unapologetically, authentically myself. It’s like taking a cleansing deep breath at the end of a very long run. Ahhh.
My inspiration for growing up comes from two incredible women I’ve had the honor to work with through my teaching career. The first was a woman who regularly came to my aerial yoga classes in San Diego. The second was one I taught SUP yoga to at a resort out here on Oahu. Both of them were doing a unique physical activity that is intimidating to most people. I can’t even convince most of my friends to do these things with me. But more importantly, both of those women are in their 80s. Their fucking 80s, you guys!
Want to know what they both had in common? They were two of the most ambitious, positive, and grateful people I’ve ever met. So as life teaches you its tough lessons, remember that the most important one of all is to find and hold onto your joy.
I hope that this list of advice for your 20s helps during this exciting, crazy decade of yours.
Let’s dive in to all the things I wish I could tell my past self, beginning with the most important one of all:
1 » Don’t Care What Anyone Thinks
Ah, yes. We all know this little gem. So simple and yet so mind-blowingly complicated at the same time. This may be one lesson that you really do need to learn on your own, because it comes from within. Not caring about other people’s opinions about you or your beliefs has to be a decision that you make, from a place of truly loving and knowing yourself.
So if you’re not there yet, perhaps the better advice would be to TRY to not care what anyone thinks. Make that your goal. Whenever you find yourself worrying about how you look or whether or not so-and-so likes you, remind yourself that you want to be the kind of person that’s so secure in yourself that outside opinions don’t matter. Challenge yourself to not care as often as possible.
That’s what I did. I used to be so cripplingly self-conscious that I could rarely speak my truth and was always afraid that others were judging me as harshly as I judged myself. So I made myself as uncomfortable as possible and became a fitness instructor, where I was subjected to constant criticism (both constructive and otherwise) and forced into a position of authority. And honestly guys, for the first couple of years, I felt sick every time I had to teach a class. I would tell myself was that I was ugly/stupid/a bad teacher and everyone would hate me/my clothes/my music/etc. I’m not exaggerating. I had like 0% self-esteem. But I didn’t want to be the victim of those horrible self-doubts and negative thoughts anymore, so I kept at it. And after a particularly brutal experience where I was fired unfairly a light inside of me finally cracked open, and I really no longer gave a single fuck.
And let me tell you… it feels even better than you imagine. So don’t worry. You’ll find your confidence as long as you keep searching for it.
2 » Try As Many New Things As You Can
This ties back to getting as uncomfortable as possible as often as possible, which will help you GROW. It’s how your life elevates from painful to powerful. Say YES.
Experience as much of this enormous, complicated, beautiful world as you can. Try new foods, travel to new countries, take an art class even if you’re best at stick figures. Move a few times. Test out a couple different career paths. Accept the invitations. Life is best when it’s actually LIVED, and that doesn’t happen when you’re surrounded by what’s familiar and what’s comfortable.
Basically, never stop exploring and learning. There’s no reason for this to stop now that you’re no longer a child — in fact, new experiences will help shape and solidify you and make you your best self.
3 » But Make Sure You Take Time To Slow Down, Too
There’s a big difference between conscious adventuring and distracting yourself from your real problems. Like, by all means, go to raves — but maybe not every weekend? Slowing down and taking time to recover and care for yourself is essential to healthy living. Block out days where you get time by yourself to do absolutely nothing “productive” and instead just focus on how you feel. These moments of quiet are when self-reflection happens, when your brain critically reviews all above the above experiences you’ve had and then decides what they mean for you. This is where you get to meet yourself.
And don’t feel bad about it! Like I said, taking some quiet time is essential, and something you’ll benefit greatly from if you begin this habit early in life.
Oh, by the way — put down your damn phone once in a while. It’s just another distraction from real life.
4 » Get A Pet
Seriously! Having a pet is not only just awesome because duh — they’re adorable and fun, but they also teach you about how to handle the responsibilities of life in general. But in a gentle way, one that you don’t mind, because you’re doing it from a place of love.
I got my first dog, Corgi (yes he’s a corgi named Corgi, see #1), when I was 25 years old. I’m not kidding when I say he changed my life. I fell completely head over heels in love with him. But at the same time, he also was is very much a headache. For the first couple of years of his life, we were constantly in and out of the vet. He was always sick (don’t worry, he’s very happy and healthy now that we know he’s allergic to lots of things). And he demanded a lot of my time and energy, because I had to train a puppy with no knowledge about how exactly to do that. But I happily dove headfirst into the role of Dog Mom and rose to the challenge of being responsible for another life. And, in turn, my own life became so much richer.
Animals require time, energy, daily activity, food, cleaning, and cleaning up after. They also require a lot of love. And I’m telling you, all that love makes the work totally worth it, if you make the choice to bring a pet into your life responsibly. Think of it as a trial run in parenting if you hope to have children later and don’t already.
5 » You Don’t Need To Worry About Having It All Together
It’s true: adulting is hard. But it’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to make mistakes. So let yourself off the hook a little. Experiencing setbacks is a part of life. Do your best, learn and grow and lead with love and you’ll be alright.
Avoid making decisions out of fear. I know there’s a lot that’s uncertain and a lot of problems that you’ve never faced before. But believe in yourself and know that you are strong enough to handle whatever life throws at you. You’ll always come out ahead if you act out of faith in yourself rather than fear of what could be.
And don’t be afraid to ask for help, no matter what the situation. You’re never alone.
6 » But You Do Need To Worry About Money
In your 20s, it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking you’ll pay off your credit card debt “someday” or not worrying about retirement — because your older years seem so far away. But time moves quickly. I fell victim to this trap and am still paying the price (literally).
I’m not about to even try to offer financial advice here, but there is a strong connection between your financial health and your emotional/mental health… which (as you may have learned through this blog) in turn affects your physical health. It matters.
But yeah, you guys, I’m not going to bullshit you. It sucks. It’s boring as hell. It takes some work to learn about finances. Most of us enter adulthood with minimal understanding about how to properly manage our money, so it’s on you to read up and suit up. I recommend the books Rich Bitch
Do as I say, children, not as I do.
7 » If A Situation Isn’t Working, Get OUT
This was a hard one for me to learn. You can’t control other people. You can only control yourself. So if you’re in an environment that is toxic, whether that be a bad job, a relationship where you feel held back, or a one-sided friendship, the best thing to do is leave.
Don’t try to ignore the problem or hold out hope that the situation or person will someday change. They might, in time, but if and when are entirely up to them. You have to do what’s right for YOU and protect yourself and your joy.
Trust your gut and your body. If you’re not happy, or you feel that pit in your stomach, or you feel drained… you gotta go. I know it’s hard. I know you wanted it to be so different than what it is. I know you’re terrified that your entire life will fall apart if you don’t have X anymore.
But guess what? It WILL fall apart if you stay.
8 » Care For Your Body Like It’s Already 80
This piece of advice for your 20s is essential because I know that right now it feels like you’ll be young forever. And you will be! But you’ll want your body to be able to hang right along with your youthful spirit even when you’re older, and the choices you make right now will in part determine just how healthy that future body will be.
So yay! You’re reading my blog. That’s a perfect first step — learn as much as you can now about how to care for your body. Give a shit about your health. Be the example for your peers. Workout, eat healthy whole foods, sleep your 7-9 hours every night, don’t overdo it with the fun but unhealthy stuff, reduce your stress, and develop a mindfulness practice. It may sound lame, but I’m telling you — it’s the key to finding the real fountain of youth.
Pay attention to your body. Develop a strong relationship with it now and love it well, because it will be with you for the rest of your life.
9 » Stop Comparing
Easier said than done, right? There’s a common saying you might be familiar with, but it’s worth repeating here just in case:
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Fuck no I’m not letting something steal away my joy! And you shouldn’t, either. Besides, you can never really know everything about a person’s life, so it’s really just a practice in self-punishment to torment yourself by comparing their X to your Y.
Stay in your own lane and worry about you doing you the best damn way you can.
10 » Staying In Touch Is An Art You Need To Master
You’re a little spoiled right now, dear 20-something. It’s not your fault. But up until now you’ve been pretty spoiled when it comes to making friends.
School gave you instant daily access to a large pool of your peers. Even if it didn’t feel like it, the deck was stacked in your favor when it came to making friends. So many opportunities to find like-minded people in a similar stage of life!
I say this with a slight tone of resentment because, honestly, making friends post-college is a shitshow. You have to hope you can find some cool people in your place of work or at the barre studio you workout at every Monday night or through friends of friends of cousins that you have nothing in common with but hey! they live in the same city as you and you’re desperate for human connection.
So you’d do well, young one, to learn how to protect your friendships as you transition from adolescence to adulthood. You and you friends will probably all scatter throughout the country. And then you’ll start to couple up, settle down, start families. You’ll get overwhelmed with work and with picking up the dog poop. And it can be very, very easy to let those friendships fall to the wayside to die a slow, painful death.
If you want to stay friends with someone, you gotta do some work. You have to communicate regularly and have meaningful check-ins. Use Snapchat, text, Instagram, etc… but you better also make sure you fit in time for phone calls or in-person interactions, because those other easy forms of communication simply can’t sustain a relationship long-term.
Essentially, don’t forget the ones who matter.
11 » But So Is Letting Go Of Energy Vampires
Unfortunately, not everyone you used to love is going to be someone worthy of your love later on down the line. You’ll know the difference. See #7.
You never need to maintain a relationship with anyone solely out of obligation, like because they’re family or have been your best friend since elementary school. Family loyalty is noble and all, but not everyone’s families are beneficial, and plenty actually consist of destructive or abusive relationships. And it really does hurt to let go of someone you were super close to in the past… but if you don’t feel uplifted, supported, and seen (or worse, if you feel truly hurt) by someone in your life, they don’t need to be in your life. Plain and simple.
And be picky about the new people you choose to let into your life. Let people into your inner circle who fill you up instead of deplete you, and who love you for YOU.
12 » Don’t Rush Into Romantic Relationships
Everyone’s going to be coupling up right now, especially in the early years post-college. Don’t even worry about it.
There’s a weird societal pressure to marry sometime in your 20s, and if you want to have a family, it does sincerely become a major concern. But relax. You can’t force the right person to come along exactly according to your constructed ideal timeline. And if you try to force it in any way and settle into a relationship or marriage too soon because you think it’s the “right” time to settle down or because you’re scared you won’t be able to have children when you’re older, you’ll have to live with the potential negative consequences.
You don’t want to wake up 10 years from now realizing you aren’t happy with the partner you chose and the life you’ve created so far with them, and then have to go through the painful process of separating.
Your 20s is a time for some MAJOR self-discovery. (And you thought you were all grown up, didn’t you?) You will likely be a very, very different person when you turn 30 than when you were 20. So give yourself the space to be single and focus on learning about you and the kind of life you want to live. Then you can decide if someone fits well into that life. Or if you’re already with someone, make sure you’re communicating with each other openly and honestly as you both experience life separately and together.
Don’t be with someone just to avoid being alone, and don’t date people who aren’t worthy of you. Think of your 20s as the decade to love the shit out of yourself first and foremost. Then if you can do that while in a relationship? By all means, commit away.
13 » Work Through Your Childhood Baggage
Yup, you’ve got some. Everyone does! And not dealing with it will only damage you further.
The hope is, that in time, you can find a sense of peace about your childhood. A lot of the growing up process during your 20s is about learning how to let go of that pain so that the past no longer wounds you. Go to therapy, read self-help books, journal… whatever you need to process what happened so that you can move on.
Get to know yourself and why you act and react the way you do. Then strive to be the best possible version of you that you can be.
You can’t undo your past, but you are in charge of how you move forward.
14 » Sunscreen
I care about this piece of advice for your 20s so much it gets its own bullet point.
Wear sunscreen. You don’t wear enough of it. Trust me. Wear more. I wear this kind on my face every day
And don’t just worry about your face: you need to protect all of your skin. The skin on your hands, chest, and neck is super thin and fragile, so pay extra attention to those areas. I wear these driving gloves
I’m not encouraging you to worry about how you look — but you certainly don’t need to get preventable skin cancer. And I just know I’d prefer to age naturally but, you know… slowly. When you’re in your 20s, this isn’t something you’re likely thinking about because your skin probably isn’t showing any signs of wear yet… but again, a lot can change in 10 years. Trust me on this.
15 » Get Ready To Learn Who You Really Are
Society holds onto this odd myth that as soon as we reach the age of 18, or 21, or whatever, that we’re somehow done growing up. But you’re really only just beginning.
Be patient. Know that you will change a lot over the next 10 years. So will all of your peers. And you get to decide if you take the path towards self-improvement, self-discovery, and self-love …or the other route that leads to settling, complacency, and bitterness.
I think it’s pretty clear which path you’ll want to take.
The goal of your life is simple: Go find your joy. Then share it with the world.
March on, you bright young thing. The world can’t wait to see what you become.
Also, this kind of seems like a fitting theme song, doesn’t it?
What advice for your 20s do you wish you could give your past self? Share them with me in the Comments below!
xo,
Amy
This post is not sponsored, but there are affiliate links throughout this post, all for stuff I genuinely love and recommend!