Moving to a new city is a pretty crazy adventure.
I’m not going to lie – it can be really hard. I just moved from San Diego to Honolulu in April, so if you’re moving to a new city soon too (or just did), know that I’m going through the struggle right there with you. Some days I convince myself I’m done and start looking up prices for a one-way ticket back. And some days I lie when my friends call and I tell them it’s going GREAT!!! when in reality it’s 3pm and I’m still in my pajamas and my eyes are nearly swollen shut from crying because I’m lonely.
(Aren’t you happy you started reading this incredibly uplifting post? Don’t worry – I’m getting there!)
I hesitate to tell you that I’m married to a man in the military, not because I’m not incredibly proud and supportive of his career, but because I’m not the stereotypical “military wife”. I very much had my own life and career in television in LA chugging along quite nicely when I met my husband through a mutual friend. At first I declared he and I would only ever be friends (ah, but you can’t fight love) because I wasn’t really down with constantly packing up my life and moving, and, oh, you know, frequently spending months apart, sometimes without any contact while your loved one is in real mortal danger.
But like I said, you can’t fight love.
In 2013 my husband got stationed in San Diego, and I desperately wanted a career change and had just developed a chronic neck injury that demanded I take time off to heal. So I left LA to join him in a new home with no plans and no friends. Moving to San Diego ended up being the best possible thing for me. My life completely changed for the better. I got healthy and happy, it’s where I became a fitness instructor, and it’s where I dreamed up this blog.
After our three wonderful years there, however, the Navy moved us again – this time to Hawaii.
OMG I KNOW. How HORRIBLE. How could I possibly stand the utter nightmare of moving to a paradise where people from across the world travel to enjoy a once-in-a-lifetime vacation???
And yes – it can be AMAZING. It’s so beautiful and magical and I adore the beauty of nature out here. It’s so peaceful and yet there’s an unmistakable power (mana, as it’s called in Hawaiian) to the island at the same time.
But, like, this is real life, and I can’t always be out enjoying the beautiful scenery. I WISH I were living in that kind of Instagram dreamland. Spending all day every day at the beach doing yoga and drinking coconuts… Sign me up!
BUT sadly I have to work and make money and connect with other humans occasionally to protect my sanity.
And as far as all that’s concerned… it’s been a struggle. I’m going through many of the hardships I encountered when I first moved to San Diego, and it’s been making me think about moving in general.
Moving to a new city is one of the hardest things we can go through. It’s up there with death and broken relationships, because it creates a similar type of environment. You don’t have your support system with you any longer, so you can feel isolated. You’re also having to start over. All your old routines are no longer effective or applicable. You’re in a new house, a new job, possibly even in a new type of culture. It’s one of those moments where your life gets turned upside down and shaken out and then thrown around and stomped on a bit and set on fire.
You’ve got to start over.
» Leggings: Alo Yoga
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«So, how do you survive moving to a new city? Tip #1 is more of a challenge, really:
1 » Embrace Your Fresh Start.
Do ya hear that? It’s your new life calling.
But really – how many times do we find ourselves longing to wipe the slate clean? You’re getting the opportunity so many dream of to start over, so make the most of it!
Give yourself permission to be the person you’ve always wanted to be. It’s likely you don’t know too many people in your new home, so no one has any preconceived notions of who you are. This is an amazing opportunity to grow personally. Don’t take this as free license to be someone you’re not – but rather a chance to fully shed your past negative patterns or pains and let yourself fully shine.
2 » Get. Out. Of. The. House.
As often as possible. Even if you’re by yourself. Go on hikes, take yourself out to lunch, window shop – whatever. You’ll find you like your new home better the more you get to know it. This is also a good way to meet new people and make friends.
3 » Say Yes.
Try, for a week or a month or whatever, saying yes to every invite you receive. For someone like me, this is the hardest thing – so much so that I didn’t even want to write it. Ugh – stupid tip.
I struggle to open up to people I don’t know very well, so making friends is a slow (and kinda awkward) process for me. But after moving to a new city you don’t really have the luxury of saying no to that slightly abrasive girl who just invited you to join her and her crew for a bonfire. It honestly doesn’t matter if you won’t be besties a year from now. You never know – maybe someone else at that bonfire is destined to be your future friend (or partner!).
It’s exactly like dating. You want a friend? You got to put yourself out there, go through a lot of frogs to find the prince(ss), and be proactive about finding that special someone online. It kind of sucks. But you can be anywhere in the world and still be totally miserable if you’re lonely, or anywhere and happy if you’re with the right people (and have the right attitude). Making friends is hard, especially as you get older, but I promise there are other new lonely transplants wandering the streets just like you. You just need to go find them.
The best part is, the more people you know, the more people you meet, so it really does get easier in time. When I first moved to San Diego I had exactly zero friends who lived there. One of the reasons it was so hard to leave was that by the end of my time there I had the largest group of close friends I’ve ever had in my life. (LOVE YOU GUYS)
4 » Maintain Your Support System.
Let’s all agree to not get overdramatic here, okay? You moved – you didn’t die.
Unless you really did go out in flames and just got chased out of your old town like an Old Western villain (to which I say, good sir/madam, you are a badass), you probably did move away from a few people who love you and who care about you.
It’s so easy now to stay in touch that it essentially takes exactly zero effort on your part to maintain your relationships. Being long distance is a lazy excuse for letting a relationship wither away. A relationship is like a plant – you’ve got to water and care for it, or it dies.
Listen – I’ve gone 9 months without my husband while he was on a boat somewhere across the world (and I wasn’t allowed to know where) during which time we had only one five minute phone call, on Christmas Day, with crappy reception. BUT our marriage stayed strong because we watered our relationship plant however we could. We sent emails whenever possible and lots of old-fashioned letters and packages that took months to travel to each other. We’ve lived apart a great deal of the time. We make it work.
And ideally you won’t face any kind of dire war-torn circumstances like that and you can, like, just comment on your friend’s Instagram photo and say hi.
I’m being extremely facetious because staying in touch these days is so easy it’s quickly neglected. We can talk any time we want with each other, so there’s no real drive to stay in touch. But as soon as you take the relationship for granted it starts to shrivel.
Even a quick “I love you!” text is sufficient – just water the damn plant.
5 » Check Your Attitude.
It’s allllll about your attitude. (Isn’t it always?) Your perspective is everything. If you tell yourself moving to a new city sucks, it sucks. Way, way easier said than done. I KNOW. I still spend many of my days here telling myself it sucks – but I’m working on catching myself as soon as I notice those negative thoughts, and try to focus instead on something I’m grateful for. It doesn’t magically make it not suck. That’s not the point. Changing your mindset is going to be a slow process, but with repeated effort you can actually retrain your brain to jump straight to those positive thoughts, letting the negative ones slowly die away.
Remember that no matter what the circumstances were that led to you moving to a new city, you can make this period of your life even better than before, no matter where you are. Focus on yourself. Give yourself lots of love, new experiences, and challenges to help you learn and grow.
You can be happy or miserable anywhere. It’s up to you to decide which one it’ll be.
Did you just move? I wanna hear about it! Let me know in the Comments, and share your own tips for moving to a new city!
xo,
Amy
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